joke of the day

[Guest virgil]

Bush, FPJ and Erap are talking about crime.

Bush: How is your PAROLE system over there?

FPJ: Oh, we hang them every Christmas.

ERAP: Pare, tama ka, ganon din ang sagot ko!

Erap and FPJ, on the way to Disneyland, see a sign

that reads: "DISNEYLAND LEFT."

ERAP: Sayang, hindi natin naabutan.

FPJ: O nga, agahan na lang natin bukas.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Mother Lily: Who's there?

Susan Roces: Effigy.

Mother Lily: Effigy who?

Susan Roces: Effigy is my husband.

Reporter: What political slogan will you attach to

your initials "FPJ?" For Peace and Justice?

FPJ: No. "For Pareng Joseph!"

For love of country and to unite the opposition,

Lacson has agreed to be the First Lady of FPJ.

Telephone survey conducted by the Bishops Conference:

"Iboboto n'yo ba si FPJ?

"If NO, press 1.

"If YES, press 68795632523162956752365922."

PAALALA lang po sa mga boboto kay FPJ:

Okay isulat sa balota ang POE o KING.

Huwag lamang po ipagsabay, dahil malaswa ang: POE KING

for PRESIDENT!

FPJ TO NPA: Sumuko na kayo.

NPA: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.

FPJ: Tangina ninyo. TULOY ANG GYERA!

Wala nang atrasan para kay Ping! Hindi kayang pigilan

ni Danding, Noli at FPJ.

Abangan! Tuloy na ang pagkakandidato ni Ping sa 2004

Binibining Pilipinas!

NEWS BREAK!

Nagkasakit si FPJ sa kakaisip ng solusyon sa mga

problema ng Pilipinas.

LIBRENG SINE pa lang ang naiisip niya.

Erap wrote an order to the grocer:

"Please send me 2 goose."

Erap: Mali ata.

Sulat uli: "Please send me 2 gooses." Mm... mali rin

a.

FPJ: Pare, ganito na lang ang isulat mo:

"Please send me 1 goose. P.S. - at isa pa!"

FPJ & Erap in a museum. (FPJ looking at a mummy)

FPJ: Pare, ano'ng ibig sabihin nitong 1300 B.C.?

Erap: Pare, yan ang plate number ng nakabangga sa

kanya.

[Guest nokiauser]

The Three Little Pigs

This is a true story, indicating how fascinating the mind of a modern six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read "and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused ... then asked the class: " And what do you think the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly "I think the man would have said: Well, badword me! A talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[Guest gpcarreon (MVP)]

:lol: :D :(

[Guest Lopio]

Wife: How am I as a lover?

Husband: warm.

Wife: really? wait, what do you mean by WARM?

Husband: go look in the dictionary.

(Wife got angry after looking). I says WARM - not so HOT.

CNN Newsbreak: The Vatican approves the use of Viagra pills

consistent with its belief in the resurrection of the dead.

Ang SABON ng mga virgins ay TENDERCARE.

Sa mahilig sa sex and fingering ay CAMAY.

Sa palaging gumagamit ng condom ay SAFEGUARD

Sa mga callgirls ay DIAL, ano sabon mo?

[Guest virgil]

BIODERM (mahilig bumayo)

[Guest mitch_o3]

hehe..

kulit.. :lol:

[Guest WeaponX]

FPJ's Dream Team

___________________

Contrary to elitists' perception, FPJ is very prepared to lead the nation to GLORY (with out Gloria). In line with parliamentary tradition, FPJ recently formed his "shadow cabinet" (a term used to denote the group of people from the opposition who are well versed in policy development and implementation, and waiting to take over the reigns of government once in power). None of the present roster of presidential wannabes can boast such preparation for governance.

"THE SHADOW CABINET"

1. ECONOMIC TEAM

FPJ's thrust will be to achieve an ECONOMIC MIRACLE that the country

missed in the 80's and 90's. No body is better equipped in making this MIRACLE happen than Nora Aunor (Himala). As NEDA Secretary, Sec. Aunor will not draw water from brooks of Kupang (Place of Himala), but would make miracles happen by encouraging people to believe in themselves. According to the future NEDA chief, "Tayo ang gumagawa ng Himala" She will be assisted by Underscretary Madame Auring to guide the government in taking the miraculous path. Sec. Aunor will be supported by Sec. Pepe Pimentel (Finance) and Sec. Roderick Paulate (Budget and Management). As Finance chief, Sec. Pimentel is well aware of where the "Kwarta" is. And no matter how small revenue collection will be, the publi c purse will be efficiently handled and kept by Budget Secretary Paulate in his "Bayong" with Undersecretary Amy Perez. Finally, the Team is completed by Trade and Industry by the tandem of Sec. Mura and

Undersecretary Mahal to make sure that the basic commodities are

priced right, neither expensive (Mahal) nor cheap (Mura).

2. SERVICES TEAM

True to his populist color, FPJ will give more to those who have less in life. Being allied with the GMA administration, MMDA Chair Bayani Fernando will be replaced by another Bayani, New MMDA Chair Bayani Agbayani. As such he will scrap the Odd-Even scheme and implement a simpler "Ocho-Ocho" traffic program, i.e., no cars in Edsa from 8am

to 8pm. Agriculture Department will be headed by Sec. Vilma Santos to ensure that food supply will be bountiful in all seasons in all regions. Housing, being the cornerstone of the FPJ Administration, will be given to an equally regal and competent person, HLURB Secretary Dolphy. As such, he will ensure that the masses get their deserved homes either along the riles (railroads) or airports. The middle class on the other hand will be helped by Undersecretary Nova Villa. The National Youth Commission will be headed by German Moreno so that he can help develop the talents of the millions of Filipino Youth. He will be assisted by Commissioners-At-Large Jojo Veloso and Alfie Lorenzo. Social Welfare portfolio will be given to no less than Sec. Willie Revillame. He left his show to prepare for government service. To fund the welfare programs, the young Lucky Manzano will be appointed to the PCSO and PAGCOR. Finally, the Department of Health will be headed by Dr. Vicky Belo. The projects in line are as follows: Oplan Alis Skin Disease, Tangal taba, and Libreng Lipo sa Masa.

3. RESOURCES TEAM

FPJ's policy is the full development of our resources for the benefit of the people. Department of Energy will be headed by Sec. Gary Valenciano. No more PPA, just pure energy. The Environment portfolio will be given to Sec. Chin-Chin Gutierrez and supported by Bureau of Forestry Director Rico J. Puno, Mines and Geosciences Directress Gretchen Barreto, and Undersecretary Jimmy Bondoc.

4. DEFENSE AND LAW AND ORDER TEAM

Considering the lack of respect the citizens have for the law of the law, FPJ will implement the policy of law without fear or favor. The Defense Department will be given to Sec. Annabel Rama who is feared by the devil himself. If she can handle Ernie Maceda, why not the generals of the AFP. If she can defend Ruffa's integrity despite all her shenanigans, what more the integrity of the national territory. The Department of Interior will be headed by another fighter, Sec. Mystica who is well aware of the workings of the police after figuring in weekly brawls ever since she entered showbiz. She will be assisted by PNP Chief Paquito Diaz, an expert on mobs and thugs.

5. FOREIGN AFFAIRS TEAM

FPJ will continue the current government's constructive engagement. Among the members of the nation's new foreign service are the following

Ambassadors:

Africa Union - Susan Africa

Austria - Amy Austria

Brunei Darusalam - Cristina Gonzalez

Colombia - Ace Vergel

Germany - Baron Geisler

Israel - Dick Israel

Jordan - Jordan Herrera

Spain - Gerald Madrid

Rumania - David Bunevacz

Russian Federation - Nanette Medved

Turkey - Ruffa Gutierrez-Bektas

United Kingdom - Princess Punzalan

United States - Angelica Jones

The Department of Foreign Affairs will be headed by Sec. Melanie Marquez (Miss International) who is very experienced in "international" relationships.

OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT

Lastly, to manage all the department secretaries, a function of the Executive Secretary, no less than Exec. Sec. Lily Monteverde will manage all of them to make sure that they work in line with government policies. If Mother Lily can manage the whole Regal Family (plus Regal Babies), what more the nation's Official Family. She will be assisted by Presidential Management Staff Sec. Lolit Solis, another "talent" manager. To complete the roster of palace officials, the Presidential Spokesperson's job will be given not to Boy Abunda nor Cristy Fermin as other have speculated, but to the reliable Sec. Rey Pomaloy (Aminin!) to ensure that the government will not hide anything from the public.

[Guest virgil]

Isang bulag ang pumasok sa isang maliit na restaurant.

Sinalubong siya ng waiter at wala sa isip na nagbigay ng menu. "Hindi

mo ba napansing bulag ako? Bigyan mo na lang ako ng mga gamit na

tinidor at nang malaman ko kung ano ang kakainin ko!", bulyaw ng bulag.

Hindi na nagtanong ang nalilitong waiter at kumuha ng dalawang tinidor

na hindi pa hugas at binigay sa bulag. Inamoy ng bulag ang una. "Fried

chicken! Hindi ako kumakain ng fried chicken", sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy

ng unang tinidor. At inamoy naman ang ikalawang tinidor."Eto, meatloaf,

bigyan mo ako niyan". Namangha ang waiter at dumiretso ito sa kusina

para kausapin ang cook na si Rosario. "Ang galing noong bulag, oh, amoy

pa lang alam na niya ang oorderin niya. Magluto ka nga ng meatloaf",

kuwento ng waiter kay Rosario. Nagluto si Rosario ng meatloaf at

ibinigay sa bulag. Nasarapan ang customer kaya nagbigay ito ng malaking

tip. Kinabukasan, bumalik ang bulag at nagbigay na naman ng dalawang

tinidor ang waiter para ipaamoy rito. "Ito, gusto ko ng porkchop", sabi

ng bulag pagkaamoy pa lang ng unang tinidor. Sa ikatlong araw, umamoy

na naman ang bulag ng dalawang tinidor. "Hindi ako kumakain ng

hamburger. Ito namang isa, meatloaf ulit. Wala na bang bago?", reklamo

ng bulag. "Teka lang ho", sabi ng waiter sabay labas. Kumuha ng malinis

na tinidor ang waiter at pinahid sa loob ng panty ni Rosario para

paglaruan ang customer. Subukan n'yo po ito", sabi ng waiter na iniabot

ang tinidor na pinunas sa panty ni Rosario. "Aba!", gulat na sabi ng

bulag. "Dito na ba nagtratrabaho si Rosario? "

[Guest Lopio]

They say FPJ is an illegitimate son who has an illegitimate son.

Yes, that's all true. I will add one more: He will win over an

ILLEGETIMATE PRESIDENT OF AN ILLEGITIMATE GOVERMENT!

Naked Girl board taxi. Driver stared. Girl scold: never see a naked

girl, ah?

Driver's reply: see before but wondering where you keep your money

to pay taxi fare?

Celebrity: A person who works hard all his life to become known,

then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

"Mummy where do new babies come from?

"Well, your dad makes what's called sperm and puts it inside me."

"Do you swallow it mom?"

"No, that's if you want a new car!"

[Guest Lopio]

A Filipino Lady was taking the exam for U.S. naturalization and

citizenship. She aced the test. The examiner said, "Now, the last

part of the exam is a vocabulary test. Can you spell the

word, "WINDOW?". The lady said, "W-I-N-D-O-W". "Ah, very good the

examiner said, "now, use it in a sentence." The lady

replied, "WINDOW I get my citizenship papers?"

Breaking News:

Paquito Diaz recruited by Lakas to be GMA's running mate!

Napili siya, kasi siya lang ang madalas makagulpi kay FPJ!

Fpj visits marines in Mindanao.

Fpj: Why are the soldiers sad?

Capt: Overfatigue lang, sir.

Fpj: Sige, hubarin ang FATIGUE, palitan ng MAONG!

If sex is a form of communication between two people, and

masturbation is self communication, like talking to yourself?..THEN

ORGY IS MASS COMMUNICATION!

According to Doctors, the severity of the Bird Flu infection depends

on the size of the bird. The smaller the size, the less severe it is

and the lesser risk of death!. Safe ka ba?

[Guest Lopio]

ERAP: Pare, magingat ka kay Loren kasi political prostitute daw yan.

FPJ: Preparado ako dyan, pare. Wag ka lang maingay, dahil lagi akong

may dalang condom.

Anak: Mom! Bakit may ahas sa iSPAMw ni Dad?

Mom: kaya nga inupuan ko agad ang Dad mo para mapatay ang ahas.

Anak:Tapang ni yaya, kinain ang ahas kanina!

Woman 1: Mare, kumusta na sexlife nyo ni pare?

Woman 2: Bitin na bitin, parang sweldo ng opis, kinsenas, katapusan

na lang, kaya madalas bumabale ako sa mga kaibigan nya.

Once I catch you, I'll take you to bed, I'll make you hot, I'll make

you sweat, I'll make you groan. You will wish you never had me,

Yours Sincerly, MALARIA.

HEALTH ADVISORY:

So far, 20 million chicken has been destroyed due to the BIRD'S FLU

VIRUS! Kaya....

ingatan mo BIRD ng awawa mo. Sayang kahit MALIIT yan....hehehe

Big Bob, a strapping lad standing 6ft 5 went to his local Doctor and

said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it,

first you've got to promise me, and I mean it - not to laugh." "Of

course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over

twenty years I've never laughed at a patient. And you're a mighty

big fellow for anyone to be laughing at!" "Okay then," Bob said, and

proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the

doctor had seen in all his years. Unable to control himself, the

doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to

struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," he

said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a

gentleman, I promise it absolutely will not happen again. Ever. Now

what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen!"

[Guest Lopio]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back....or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....1. She walked into a hair salon with her husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" She turned around and walked back out and never went back. Her husband didn't say a word... he knew better.2. She was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.She was unhappy with the women's type She had been using. After browsing for several minutes, she was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help her. Without thinking, She looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."3.From an anonymous shopahaolic: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.4. From a Libidous wife While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.5. A lesson learned! Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! 6. LIVE! This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story.. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[Guest Lopio]

Man wants to have sex with a pretty coed, but is ashamed of his

small organ. He decides to take her to a dark place and places his

penis in her hands. GIRL: Sorry, I don't smoke!

Preacher dipped a drunk's head in the river as a baptism rite.

Preacher: Have you found Jesus?

Drunk: NO.

The Preacher repeats the procedure.

Drunk: Say, are you sure He fell down here?

Bush: Are you finished?

Fpj: I'm Filipino.

Bush: I said, are you done?

Fpj: Not Dan, Fernando

Bush: I mean, are you thru?

Fpj: why, you think I am false?

Bush: Yawa Kaa!

Erap: Ano itong bird flu?

Fpj: Tanga! Bird Flu! Past tense ng bird fly!

Noli: Mga gago pala kayo! Ang tama dyan ay FLIED CHICKEN!

[Guest gpcarreon (MVP)]

[Guest dobby_gobby_man]

An architecture instructor at M.I.T. who teaches Engineering Drafting was disappointed over the works of his freshmen students. He began to point out the common errors commited by the students as he choose one work from among those (preliminary) submitted by the students. He said as he was referring to that particular work, "If I'm going to grade this work, I would fail the student who had done it."

Then a concerned student just told him, "Sir, that's your ouwn work you'd done as your example for us."

[Guest dobby_gobby_man]

"What's the difference between French and Chinese cooking?" asked by a new cook.

The culinary expert replied, "Well, French cooking is exquisite but quite elaborate -- you get rid of many things before you cook while in Chinese cooking, you make use of everything available until you don't know what's to be gotten rid of."

[Guest dobby_gobby_man]

A mentally-retarded thrill seeker come up with his new modus operandi which he named 'hold-up-on-the-line' (hold up via telephone). His target victims were usually housemaids whom he would ring up and announce the hold-up by making them believe he was poking a gun at them. But in his carelessness he called up a police desk officer and consequently made the greatest mistake of his life. The police officer then suceeded in handcuffing him through the telephone that led to his arrest.

[Guest dobby_gobby_man]

A policeman saw a man who has mistakably robbed toy money from the bank.

The man said to the policeman, "Please don't point that gun at me. See, these are just toy money."

"Don't worry," said the policeman. "This is also just a toy gun."

[Guest Lopio]

Scene: 1996 Miss Universe pageant in Las Vegas.

Host Bob Goen introducing the candidates....

Bob: Please welcome, Miss Canada!

From the crowd, a voice screams "Subterranean!"

Bob: Please welcome, Miss France!

Voice: Subterranean!

Bob: Please welcome, Miss Italy!

Voice: Subterranean!

Bob: Please welcome, Miss India

(this time the voice was silent)

Bob: Please welcome, Miss USA

Voice: Suuuub-teeerranean! Yah-hoo!

Bob: Please welcome, Miss Zaire

(again the voice was silent)

At the intermission, Bob was really curious why the voice was

shouting "subterranean", so he dispatched a guard to fetch the

fellow and bring him backstage. They picked up the guy and he

turns out to be a Filipino who didn't speak English. So they got

an interpreter to ask the Pinoy why he was shouting "subterranean".

Sabi ng Pinoy, "Wala akong sinasabing 'subterranean.'

Ang sabi ko, "Sarap tirahin niyan!"

[Guest Lopio]

FPJ to intsik: Brad, sa mayo iboto mo ko ha.

INTSIK: Hini puele blad, AKO ILLEGAL PINOY DIN!

At a wedding, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the

bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today's the happiest

day of her life" explained the mother as simply as she can.

The girl thought for a few minutes, then she said, "So why is the

groom wearing black?"

Three men went to a bar and watched a sriptease show. Kano ipit 500

sa dancer. Hapon nainggit ipit 1000. Pinoy syempre hindi patalo kuha

ATM card swipe sa hiwa, withdraw niya yung 1500.

What do you call a girl who's obsessed with sex?

Nymphomaniac.

What do you call a guy obsessed with sex?

Normal!

A man walks into the pharmacy and whisper to the young lady, can I

have a box of Viagra? The clerk, very loud replied; we don't sell

Viagra without prescription. To play on the clerk's sympathy the man

pulls his pants down and says, "I don't have a prescription but I

have the patient."

[Guest Lopio]

It was the first day of school in Washington, DC and a new student

name Dagohoy, the son of a Filipino immigrant, entered the fourth

grade.

The teacher began, "Let's review some American history, class. Who

said 'Give me liberty or give me death?'" She saw a sea of blank

faces,

except for Dagohoy's who had his hand up, "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very

good," said the teacher.

"Who said 'Government of the people, by the people,and for the

people

shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from

Dagohoy:

"Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1863," he said.

The teacher snaps at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed,

Dagohoy

who is new to our country knows more about our history than you do."

She hears a loud whisper from the back: "Screw the Filipinos." "Who

said that?" she demanded. Dagohoy put his hand up. "General John

Pershing,

Manila, 1896."

At that point, Jack, another student says, "I'm going to puke."

The teacher glares and asks, "All right! Now who said that?" Again

Dagohoy answers, "George Bush, Sr. to the Japanese Prime Minister

during

the state dinner, Tokyo, 1991."

Now furious another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!!" Dagohoy

jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher at

the top

of his voice, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval Office,

1997!!"

Someone shouts, "You little s*** if you say anything else, I'll kill

you." Dagohoy yells, "Congressman Gary Condit to Chandra Levy,

Washington,

D.C., 2001!"

The teacher faints. "I'm outta here!" mutters one student as he

sidles

to the door. "President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Baguio City,

December

30,

2002!!" Dagohoy responds.

As the class gathers around her on the floor, someone says, "Oh

s***,

now we're really in big trouble!"

"Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Bhagdad, May 2003!" Dagohoy

bellowed.

"Now, I really have to run," Jack mutters, heading for the exit.,

"Gloria

Macapagal Arroyo again, Pampanga, October 4, 2003!!!

" Dagohoy shouts

triumphantly jumping with glee.

Then a burly African-American boy grabbed Dagohoy and strangled him,

about to give a fistful to a frightened Dagohoy.

Then an Asian boy stood up and shouted, "Hey easy on him. I'M A

FILIPINO!"

Dagohoy then blurted out before he got socked out, "Fernando Poe,

Jr.

Manila, January 2004!!!"

[Guest darkmatter]

hehehe...mabuhay ka Dagohoy!

[Guest Lopio]

A Cheap Train-Ride

Three accountants and three engineers are traveling by

train to a conference. At the station, the three

engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three

accountants buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one

ticket?" asks an engineer. "Watch and you'll see,"

answers an accountant. They all board the train. The

engineers take their respective seats but all three

accountants cram into a restroom and close the door

behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor

comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the

restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door

opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a

ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a

clever idea. So after the conference, the engineers

decide to copy the accountants on the return trip and

save some money (being clever with money, and all).

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket

for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the accountants don't buy a

ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a

ticket?" asked one perplexed engineer.

"Watch and you'll see," answered an accountant. When

they board the train the three engineers cram into a

restroom and the three accountants cram into another

one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the accountants leaves his

restroom and walks over to the restroom where the

engineers are hiding. He knocks on the door and

says, "Ticket, please."

[Guest Lopio]

Fpj has announced his withdrawal from the May elections due to

confirmed American citizenship. He has decided to run in November,

against President Bush

Fpj came back from a cockfight and his American friend asked him…did

you win or lose? D KING thought and thought what was the English

word for TABLA. Finally he replied…PLYWOOD!

[Guest kapitan jackal]

si kap nasa presinto

pagsakay sa elevator, nakita si mayor fred lim

kap: mayor, good evening, hows the campaign trail

m-lim: ok lang, sabihin mo sa mga kaibigan mo wag tyong kalilimutan ah

kap: no problem meyor, manileno po tyo, walang problema! imbes na atienza, lim na ang iboboto namin

m-lim: iho, pagka senador tinatakbuhan ko, di na mayor

kap: ganun po ba, eh sa meyor ko lang kayo iboboto eh :)

(based on a true story)