E200

[Guest fred_s]

I'm beginning to twitch in an Inspector Dreyfus styli again, so its probably time to ask for some professional help rather than call the comedy club at Orange. This is what I need, a phone:

1 with a battery life greater than 7 hrs (yes my memory cards out)

2 which can be locked and put in your pocket (without using the security code .... what a pain in the arse)

3 with call quality that would actually compete with a Fisher Price toy

All other features such as Outlook sync, video etc are lovely but if the 3 basics don't work then the phones useless as a number 1 business mobile (BT’s not listed – it would have to work first). Rant over – no bol#@cks to that, here’s a rough transcript of my most recent call to Smudge Brown’s Nigerian entrepreneurs on 419.

User (aka sucker): Please help, I’ve had enough, the phone doesn’t work, I’m spending £720 a year, I can’t hear people, they can’t hear me, the battery’s shite and I’ve got 9 months left on my contract.

Help (aka henchman): You’ve got 10 mths left, do you have Orange care?

User (aka ticking bomb): Oh - No

Help (aka insightful genius): Are you holding the phone close to your head?

User (aka missile clearing tower): Pause - yes – it’s a phone – (breathe, remember to breathe) I think I’ve got the basics sorted

Help (aka scientist): Ok, have you got good signal strength?

User (aka incoming ballistic missile): Yes I’m sitting under a mast (genuine – I’m on the 6th and final floor and there’s a base station on the roof – flies die / I'm never cold)

Help (aka pacifist): Where did you buy the phone from?

User (aka shell of a man): You, what’s the lowest tariff I can go on ( - ransom do I have to pay)

Help (aka light at end of tunnel): £15

User (aka lottery winner): Ahhhhh

Help (aka train driver) Are you near an orange shop, go there, talk to a phone trainer and we’ll take it from there.

So here I am, still spending £60 a month with these cowboys and would like to know when the patch is coming? Will it fix the above issues? If not, what can I get instead which actually meets the dictionary definition of a phone while sinking (deliberate) with Outlook and usable BT. Should I be looking at the XDAII?

[Guest joecov]

i had similarly unhelpful basically fob off from orange and i spend similar amounts each month with them, its just annoying every bugger I know is on orange!

[Guest Baddass]

2 which can be locked and put in your pocket (without using the security code .... what a pain in the arse)

perhaps im missing something, but cant u just use the keypad lock, like u can on any other phone, by holding the red call hang up button, this locks the keypad for when its in ur pocket..........sorry if this isnt what i meant, just trying to help

[Guest fred_s]

As far as I can tell (and if I'm wrong I'm happy) this locks the key pad but doesn't prevent the joystick picking up a call if knocked - for instance while in your pocket. :?: Not very clever :evil: