Guest Lopio Posted February 21, 2004 Report Share Posted February 21, 2004 Bush: What slogan will you use to win? Fpj: Same as ex-President Erap, "Fpj para sa mahirap." Bush: Please translate it to English. Fpj: Sure!!! "Fpj for difficulty" Tikyo: Ang hirap, tuwing magdala ako ng chick sa bahay hindi magustohan ni inay. Ciano: Magdala ka kamukha ng inay mo. Tikyo: Sinubukan ko na. Ayaw naman ni itay! Doctor: You have heart problem, do you smoke or drink? Old Man: No. Doctor: Sex life? Old Man: I do. Doctor: Well, you'll have to give up half of your sex life. Old Man: Which half, the looking or the thinking?. Woman to Doctor: Thank you for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect, the blood, the pain and it only cost me P50. How did you do it? Doctor: I tied your pubic hair together! Nurse rushed to three waiting men, "You sir have twins!" Man: "What a coincidence I'm with the Minesota Twins!" Nurse to second man: "Sir, you have triplets!" Man: "Wow, im with 3M" The third guy fainted, he works for 7UP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted February 21, 2004 Report Share Posted February 21, 2004 (Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents) A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the do! or. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted February 21, 2004 Report Share Posted February 21, 2004 A TEST OF YOUR MORALITY AND ETHICS With all your honour and dignity - what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought...for the test to work correctly. You're in Pampanga...In Mabalacat, to be exact... There is a chaos going on around you, caused by heavy rains with all the flooding... There are huge masses of water all around you.... You are a small newspaper photographer.... and you are in the middle of this great disaster ..... You're trying to shoot very impressive photos... There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water... Nature is showing all its destructive power... Suddenly you see a man, steering a big van... He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by a massive wall of water and mud... You move closer... Somehow the man looks familiar...... Suddenly you know who it is - it's Fernando Poe, Jr.! In that same instant you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever... You have two options. You can save him - or you can take the best photo of your life. You can save the life of Da King, or you can shoot a prize winning photo which could make you very popular... A photo displaying what could be the last moments of a very popular actor who may even become the next President of the Philippines... And here's the question: (Please give an honest answer) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > Are you going to use black and white, or colored? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest crinkles Posted February 23, 2004 Report Share Posted February 23, 2004 Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Miriam: What’s that? Agnes: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Miriam: Where did you get it? Agnes: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Miriam hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age) but very delicately asks, ‘What brand do you prefer?’ ‘Doesn’t matter sonny, as long as it fits a Camel.’ The pharmacist fainted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nokiauser Posted February 29, 2004 Report Share Posted February 29, 2004 hehehe teh funny :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nokiauser Posted February 29, 2004 Report Share Posted February 29, 2004 The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, have set up their tent, and are asleep. Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend. "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow . What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?" The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then says, "Tonto, you dumb ass, it means someone has stolen our tent." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 2, 2004 Report Share Posted March 2, 2004 Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician. Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes." Have A Super Day No Matter What Folks Say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 2, 2004 Report Share Posted March 2, 2004 There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples a! re as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 2, 2004 Report Share Posted March 2, 2004 A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small white guy faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy, "What's wrong?" The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?" T! he big black dude looks down and says, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank God, I thought you said "'Turn around!'" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 2, 2004 Report Share Posted March 2, 2004 Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happen! ed?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 2, 2004 Report Share Posted March 2, 2004 One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls bac! k over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest virgil Posted March 2, 2004 Report Share Posted March 2, 2004 Here are some conversations, which had actually happened between help desk people and their customers: ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button." Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse." ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "I need you to right! -click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote'click'." ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS W! ord setup disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer "No..." ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support: ?@#$ < mailto:?@#$ < mailto:%3F@%23$ > > ? ------------------------------------------! ----- Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?" Customer: "A white one." ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." Customer: "How do you spell th! at?" ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?" Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service) Tech Support: "Well th! en we can't-" Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'." Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-" Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through." Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me." Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later." ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "I can't log in to my account." Tech Support: "Ok, let's look at your configuration." Customer: "Ok...but I know that my User ID is case sensitive." Tech Support: "Yes it is. Ok, what does it say in the 'User ID'field?" Customer: "Like I said, 'Case Sensitive'." ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." -------------------------------------------! ---- Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" Customer: "Pentium." ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." ---------------------------------------------- Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?" ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "I don't need any ! of that SQL stuff-I just want a database!" ----------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?" Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?" ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "I have a long distance modem." ----------------------------------------------- Customer: "I don't have a space bar That just about covers my first day....can only get better eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 3, 2004 Report Share Posted March 3, 2004 My mother taught me to read when I was three years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar so I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for special occassions. Now fast forward a few months. It's Thankgiving Day and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom has assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. Whey they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarassment when she saw each plate setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge. My mother asked why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But Mom, you said they were for special occassions!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 3, 2004 Report Share Posted March 3, 2004 A woman parked her brand new Lexus in front of her office, ready to show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The woman immediately grabbed her cellphone and dialed 911 and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the woman. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the woman. "Where's my tennis bracelet?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 3, 2004 Report Share Posted March 3, 2004 Two drunks were driving down the road. The first drunk looked over to the other drunk and says, "I think we are getting closer to downtown." The second drunk says, "How can you tell?" The first drunk says "We're hitting more and more people." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 3, 2004 Report Share Posted March 3, 2004 Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch tonight". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 3, 2004 Report Share Posted March 3, 2004 Walking through the woods a man comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?" "I'm listening to the music of the tree." "You gotta be kiddin' me." "No, would you like to give it a try?" "Well, OK..." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree. With this the other guy slaps a set of handcuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him ass naked and leaves. Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark ass naked, and asks, "What the hell happened to you?" He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says, "This just ain't your day." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 4, 2004 Report Share Posted March 4, 2004 Reporter: Sir, are you in favor of the DEATH PENALTY? Fpj: Definitely not! Papaano yan...PATAY na, may MULTA pa? A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him. So one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job for the laziest one among you." he announced, "Will the laziest man please put his hand up." Nine hands went up. "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man. "Too much trouble," came the reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 4, 2004 Report Share Posted March 4, 2004 Susan: Lord, bakit mo ginawang guapo si Ronnie? Lord: Para magustuhan mo. Susan: Eh, ba't mo siya ginawang tanga? Lord: Para di magustuhan ni ATE GLO, o di ba? A girl asked a priest: What's devil, hell and heaven? The priest explains: Between my two legs is the devil; between your two legs is hell; lock the devil into hell and you see heaven. On Engineering: Why are WOMEN the best ENGINEERS in the WORLD? Answer: Because they can DEMOLISH an ERECTION without damaging the STRUCTURE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lopio Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 Stanley, an 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better," he replies. "I've got a twenty-two- year-old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him? He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle... *BAM* The beaver drops dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver." "EXACTLY!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dobby_gobby_man Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 Money & Numbers (phrases ng mga kano) THEY SAID: A Michigan bankroll. WE SAY:A wallet stuffed with 1 dollar bills. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Another day, another dollar WE SAY: Another day, another dollar ninety-eight -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Did you feel any change hit you in the back? WE SAY: You paid too much! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He doesn't have a pot to piss in or a winda' to throw it out'a. WE SAY: He's pretty poor. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He'd take the pennies off a dead man's eyes. WE SAY: He's cheap. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: If steamboats were selling for a dime a dozen, I couldn't buy the echo of the whistle. WE SAY: I can't afford to pay much... -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: If you can't afford to pay cash for what you want, you don't need it. WE SAY: I need it, I want it, charge it !!! If I can't make the payments there's always chapter 7. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: I'll give you 30 dollars worth of free boxing lessons!!! WE SAY: I'm going to beat you up!!!! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: It costs a dollar two ninety-eight. WE SAY: I don't know how much it costs. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: More than you can shake a stick at WE SAY: A lot -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Oh, about a dollar buck two eighty! WE SAY: What do you think it's worth? -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: She's got enough money burn a wet mule. WE SAY: She is a wealthy lady -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: That's the way the money goes. Ella Theriault 1895-1993 WE SAY: It's too expensive. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: These are the last of the Mohicans. WE SAY: There are not any more of whatever they were talking about. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: They had right smart much WE SAY: They had a lot -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: They have more money than Carter has pills. WE SAY: They have a lot of money. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Tighter than a bull's ass sewed with a log chain in fly time. WE SAY: Miser. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Tighter than a gnat's chuff. WE SAY: He's rather careful with his money. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Tighter than Dick's hat band. WE SAY: Very cautious about spending money. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Tighter than the bark on a tree. WE SAY: Miserly. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Too much candy for the penny. WE SAY: Too good to be true. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? WE SAY: Who cares? -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free? WE SAY: Why pay for something that's free? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dobby_gobby_man Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 Kids THEY SAID: Before you leave this house, red up your bedroom. (W. PA) WE SAY: Clean your bedroom before you leave. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Crawl over here and let me pick you up. WE SAY: Oh dear. I'm sorry you fell down. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Do you want me to show you the business end of a stick? WE SAY: Do you want a spanking? -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Don't let the bed bugs bite (grandfather's saying) WE SAY: Good night -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Down went McGinty, to the bottom of the sea, dressed in his best set of clothes. WE SAY: Said to a child when he/she falls down. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: For the umpteenth time... WE SAY: How many times do I have to tell you? -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Go outside and let the stink blow off! WE SAY: Go outside and play! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: H'ain't cha got no fetchin's up? (from rural Ohio) WE SAY: Didn't anyone teach you anything? -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's just a chip off the ole block! WE SAY: He's just like his father. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's still wet behind the ears WE SAY: He's not any more mature than a new born baby. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Hurry and redd up the table and the rest of the house! WE SAY: Clear the table please and straighten up the house! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: I guess I'm gonna have to jerk a knot in your tail! (or) to give you your comeupance! WE SAY: I guess I will have to put a stop to that and reprimand you! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: I knowed you when you was just a twinkle in your Daddy's eye! WE SAY: I've known your family a long time. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: I'll give you what Paddy gave the drum. WE SAY: I'll give you a beating. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: I'll slap a slat out of you, if'n you don't straighten up! WE SAY: I'll paddle you til you can't sit down! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: I'll snatch you bald-headed! WE SAY: I'm mad at you and will spank you! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: I'm gonna come down on you like bees in a honey tree!! WE SAY: You are in a lot of trouble! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite. WE SAY: Good night and sleep well. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: That happened when you were still a worm under a cabbage leaf. WE SAY: Before you were born. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: That room looks like a dog's breakfast WE SAY: Your room is very messy -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Tie it outside. WE SAY: Go outside to play. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: We walked 7 miles, in the snow, uphill, both ways, to get to school and back. WE SAY: You don't know what hard is. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Were you born in a barn? WE SAY: Shut the door! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: When we walked to school we had to walk 5 miles barefoot. WE SAY: Well who cares, we take the bus. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Who's that baby for? (south Louisiana) WE SAY: Who are that baby's parents? -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: You better straighten up and fly right! WE SAY: Mind me! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Your belly-button isn't even dry yet! WE SAY: You're not old enough to do that. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: You're so sharp we can stick you in the ground and so green you'll grow. WE SAY: You're too young to know what you're talking about. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: You're too big for your britches WE SAY: You act older than you are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dobby_gobby_man Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 a town-priest was horrified when he saw some punk youngsters during their showdown of slam dancing in the street. he angrily shouted them, "hey young men, stop doin those dirty tricks. you're certainly disturbing me inside my roon. i cannot concentrate on my hardcore music."" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dobby_gobby_man Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 Crazy THEY SAID: All of her cups ain't in the cupboard. WE SAY: She is insane. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Crazy as a: loon, bat, bedbug, beetle, barn owl, peach orchard boar; un- hinged; off her rocker; one brick short of a load; a bun short of a dozen; not playing with a full deck; got a hole in her bag of marbles; doesn't have both oars in the water; has bats in her belfry; squirrel food; nutty as a fruitcake; got toys in the attic WE SAY: She is INSANE!! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Crazier than a Bessie Bug WE SAY: Crazy -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Crazier than a June Bug in May. WE SAY: Crazy -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Fell off'n the tater wagon. WE SAY: He/she has gone insane. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He just ain't right. WE SAY: He's a french fry short of a "Happy Meal". -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Her driveway doesn't go all the way to the road WE SAY: She's mad. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's a little left of center. WE SAY: That boy ain't right. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's daft. WE SAY: He's crazy. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's got bats in his belfry. WE SAY: He's crazy. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's half a bubble off plum. WE SAY: He is insane. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's one brick short of a hod. WE SAY: He's crazy. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He's one fish shy of a full string. WE SAY: That guy ain't right. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: He/she is as queer as a three dollar bill. WE SAY: He/she is a little strange in the head. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Out of his/her gourd WE SAY: crazy -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: She knits with one needle. WE SAY: She's mad. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: She's a sandwich short of a picnic. WE SAY: She is insane. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: She/he is one beer short of a six-pack. WE SAY: She/he is crazy. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: Skittish as a long- tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. WE SAY: Nervous. -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: The lift doesn't go to the top floor WE SAY: She's crazy -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: You are really out of it! WE SAY: You're spun! -------------------------------------------------- THEY SAID: You're a corker. WE SAY: You're crazy. -------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dobby_gobby_man Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 A councilman was invited to speak before the Dangerous Drug Board members. As a part of his comprehensive speech he said, "We must know the reasons why youth are resorting to these prohibited drugs. The parents and other institutions should take part in the prevention of drug addiction. We're going to discuss this matter in details in the nearest possible time". An anxious parent in the audience suddenly asked him, "Where and when will you suppose to discuss this thing?" "The councilman angrily but honestly replied, "Where else? We'll surely discuss it during our pot session." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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